Case of the Missing Keys
(or, How I Got Kicked Out of a Bar)
I went to meet my friend John at Tonic around 7pm and found him and one of his friends… lets call him Frankie, playing pool in the back room. The place was pretty chill, and mostly filled with the older to why-are-you-still-going-to-bars-youre-so-old crowd, most of whom were watching either the Spurs game or the Cowboys game on one of the many televisions in the place. The night started out fine with a couple of games of pool and a few drinks. Frankie started to become more and more withdrawn from John’s and my conversation, and I think he spent his spare time getting more drinks. As the night wore on, the older crowd left … presumably to go to bed by their 9pm bed times, and was replaced by a much younger (more attractive) crowd. At this point we moved our operation from the back room up to the bar so we could chat up the girls and listen to the band. By now Frankie was pretty drunk and sullen. One of the girls I was sitting next to and talking with had put her keys up on the bar, and wasn’t watching them too closely. Frankie thought it would be funny to slide her keys over behind his glass and see how long it took her notice. He kind of grinned at me when he did it, so I watched for a minute or two before it was clear she wouldn’t notice anytime soon, and then he put them back. I went out to dance around to the rock band playing on stage. John had somehow managed to befriend the band before they got up to play, so every once in a while he would dance on up to the stage and do silly things with the band. Pretty soon that same girl that was sitting next to me came up to me with her friends and asked if I had seen her keys. I figured Frankie had gotten to them again, so I told them to follow me as I looked for Frankie. We found Frankie by the bathrooms, and the girls jumped on him like … I don’t know, girls without keys I guess. Amidst his yells that he “didn’t have no ones *#&$ keys” they fished them out of his pockets, spun around to me and said “we are kicking him out”. I grabbed Frankie and headed for John who was dancing the night away on stage. I whispered to John “Frankie is getting kicked out, lets go”. Frankie is still enraged that the girls think he stole their keys, so John catches on pretty quick and we try to lead him out of the bar. I get one glance back at the girls talking to the barkeep who talks to a few tough looking bouncer guys, who all start staring at us and following us out to the parking lot. We get half way to John’s car before Frankie starts yelling at the bouncers for his right to stay at the bar and how he just found some keys on the floor and blah blah… Pretty soon John and I try to physically drag Frankie to his car, who has now developed a strong pride for some black belt he has in Judokarateboxing or something, and thinks he can beat up everyone in the bar. John and I are taking turns holding him back for about 3 seconds before we get shoved aside by 200lb Frankie. Pretty soon the bar sends out the mother of all bouncers, He is round like a bowling ball, and has to weigh 400lb, with a bald head and a big long beard. A bowling ball who rides a Harley judging from his black leather jacket with metal studs. But Mr. BowlingBall is also a smooth talker, and gets Frankie to back down after talking to him nicely and telling him that the cops are already on their way here. Finally we manage to get Frankie into the car, only to have him jump out and charge for the entrance to the bar before getting tackled by John and me. After a little more talking Frankie gets in John’s car and John drives him home. I hung around the bar a little while longer to make sure Frankie didn’t come back like he was threatening to. When John came back and assured me that Frankie wasn’t going anywhere and had calmed down, we decided to see if we could catch the rest of the band’s show… Only to find (cue dramatic music) we had been banned from the bar for a few weeks!
and that is how I solved the case of the missing keys!